


Bagarre

by PaisleyHearts



Series: This Is Us [9]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyHearts/pseuds/PaisleyHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Religion is a man</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bagarre

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plinys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/gifts).



> Using a writing prompt generator, plinys and I did a fic exchange to help with writers block. This is the result.

Oliver is high. Very high. At least he thinks he is. It’s the first time he’s been like this and Connor is only here to make sure he doesn’t over dose on marijuana (is that even possible). Mostly, Oliver is making a fool of himself and Connor is babysitting him.

“I don’t know if I believe in God.”

There’s only a hum in response from Connor as he doodles away on Oliver’s bare back.

“Listen! If there isn’t a God, what happens to all those religious people? They’re going to be so disappointed when they die.”

Connor flattens his hand on Oliver’s back and tries not to laugh too hard. “Doesn’t work that way. If there isn’t an afterlife, it doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not, there just isn’t.”

Oliver is trying to mull through that. But it doesn’t make sense to him.. “Why is no one telling these people that they should stop wasting a day out of their weeks to pray to something that doesn’t exist?” He turns onto his back, starring up at the ceiling as if looking for answers.

There’s a sigh next to him and Oliver finds Connor mimicking his position. “Faith. People like to believe in things. Keeps them going because it means that there is something at the center of the universe and this isn’t all just some random mess we’ve been thrown into. If you don’t believe in God, what do you believe in?”

“You.” Oliver doesn’t even miss a beat. Because there are a lot of things in this world that are fucked up and evil. But Connor, he has been the most honest, despite the cheating he did. He has been the most upfront about everything. So it’s true. He believes in Connor more than anything.

“Damn. Way to make the mood heavy. I’m serious though. What do you believe in?”

Oliver rolls his eyes. “I already said. You.”

Connor, all of a sudden, sits up. “Oliver, I’m not – you get that I’m asking what you believe in regards of something bigger. Not who you really like or something. Hell, even something as corny as love or honesty would work here.”

A silence falls over them, but Oliver remains persistent. “You. I mean you. I believe in you. Everything is so crumbly. Like when you leave play-doh out for a day and you come back to it only to find it falling apart. That’s what my life is. You? You’re - ”

“Oliver, I’m not special. You know that and I know that.” He falls back into the pillows, a shadow coming over his face.

“Con, life is stale play-doh. You’re cookies and cream from that frozen yogurt place down the street. You’re not God, I know that. Believing in something? You. I believe in you more than I do anything else that I’ve ever come across.”

Connor tries to breathe. Sometimes, Oliver will say things like this, right before he dozes off at night or right after the high of sex. Hearing it now, at two o’clock in the afternoon, during this unremarkable Sunday is something else. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

Yet, there’s still the heaviness at the back of his head. The little voice that keeps repeating _‘you’re still lying to him you soulless dick’_.

He hasn’t. Hasn’t even breathed a word to hint about how his fake drug addiction is a cover for the _other thing_. Not when the murder was fresh on his mind. Not when things started dying down and then Oliver was diagnosed with HIV. Not now that the investigation is heating up and every move he makes is being watched. He’s lying to protect. That’s his only scapegoat.

“I mean it, Connor. You’re pretty awesome. And pretty.”

It’s amazing really, to have someone believe in him the way Oliver does. Yes, it adds ten tons of guilt onto his shoulders. But there is also a light shining bright somewhere in his chest. “You’re high and have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Oliver only hums and climbs on top of Connor, straddling his waist. “I think I read once that weed makes the mind clearer, in some ways. Kind of like alcohol, people tend to just say and do what they normally would.”

Connor laughs. “That’s just an excuse for you to put your pervy hands on me.”

“Maybe.” With no preamble, Oliver kisses the man below him. It’s a surprise for two reasons. While Oliver seems lose and relaxed, he kisses with ferocity and precision, like this is the last time. Secondly, there has been minimal physical contact between them since Oliver’s diagnoses.

Connor pulls Oliver’s face mere millimeters from his. “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this. Because I’m going to let you know that I’m not going to say no but I don’t want you to regret this when you’re sober.”

There’s seconds of stiff silence, both of them daring the other to pull away and ruin the moment forever. Except neither does that. Instead, Oliver dives right back in, clutching at Connor’s shoulders and holding on for dear life.

Connor has never been one to be believed _in_ and isn’t sure he will ever fully understand how to be that person. But he can try. Oh he can try. When there’s someone like Oliver Hampton telling him that you are worth the world right before doing something traitorously arousing with his tongue, he can’t really argue much more.

So he’s happy to have someone believe in him, even if he doesn’t think he’s worthy of it all. And, if Connor is to send a quick thank you in prayer to whoever is listening, no one is the wiser.


End file.
